There's a party in the gouvenors office.
Jim And Joan are enjoying a slow dance in the dimmed light ...awww
Jim And Joan are enjoying a slow dance in the dimmed light ...awww
But suddenly there's a terrible noice disturbing the soft music.
Someone is slamming the gates in the corridor....
and then........................
BANG!!!..... the door to the office is kicked of its hinges..........
in the doorway,.....stands a huge creature
JIM: OH!!! NOOO!!!!!! Its...............its.........
JOYCE THE SUPER SCREW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone is slamming the gates in the corridor....
and then........................
BANG!!!..... the door to the office is kicked of its hinges..........
in the doorway,.....stands a huge creature
JIM: OH!!! NOOO!!!!!! Its...............its.........
JOYCE THE SUPER SCREW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Erica: My dear Joyce...what's wrong?
Bea: yeah ..c'mon Joycie..you can tell me atleast ..i'm the queen you know
Noeline: oh shut up Smiiiith
Rick: Shut the F**k up the pair of you..
i'm the prince of F****ing darkness and you are all f***ing mad
i'm the prince of F****ing darkness and you are all f***ing mad
Joyce:...AARRRGHH My Merv entered another cooking contest and he lost... again!!
Erica: Hmm ..yes.. he would do that of course.. oh this is ridiculous..
i dont understand why he keeps entering those things.
Judy: ..never mind eh.. come over here Joyce and have a drink..
you always feel so relaxed after a little drink
Erica: Hmm ..yes.. he would do that of course.. oh this is ridiculous..
i dont understand why he keeps entering those things.
Judy: ..never mind eh.. come over here Joyce and have a drink..
you always feel so relaxed after a little drink
Joyce: ..oh ..well .....i shouldn't,.....but maybe just one then
In the Meantime
Ainsley: well thats all for this weeks ready steady cook..
and congratulations to you Ray....our winner
Your fairy cookies was just stunning.
Ray: oooh how lovely!
Ainsley: And bad luck Mervin....but two judges did die and the rest threw up and had to go home after tasting your cowpat a`la Pringle.....
Mervin: ah Bugger it
Ainsley: ahum...better luck next time.
Ainsley: well thats all for this weeks ready steady cook..
and congratulations to you Ray....our winner
Your fairy cookies was just stunning.
Ray: oooh how lovely!
Ainsley: And bad luck Mervin....but two judges did die and the rest threw up and had to go home after tasting your cowpat a`la Pringle.....
Mervin: ah Bugger it
Ainsley: ahum...better luck next time.
Len: ohh i must hurry....or i'll be late for the party
Nora: I was wondering if anyone would mind me singing a little song?.....what do you say?
Everyone: ZZzzzzzZzz
Bobbie: Eh..This sucks....lets see if there's something good on the telly
yaay..look!! and it's just starting.
yaay..look!! and it's just starting.
45 min later.....
Col: This is really cosy now...lets watch something else...change the channel
Col: This is really cosy now...lets watch something else...change the channel
Click...
Tv Presenter: And now on the rubbish channel.....its time for
"women with dangerous jobs"..and this week we are focusing in on stuntwomen....
Marie: Hi there...i was the stunt double for Maggie Millar in some great action scenes...
"women with dangerous jobs"..and this week we are focusing in on stuntwomen....
Marie: Hi there...i was the stunt double for Maggie Millar in some great action scenes...
Click...
Doreen: Hi everyone and welcome to Gardening tips....this week i'm gonna show you how to make your own beauty mask by using mud from your own garden....and later i'll show you why you shouldn't drive a pitchfork through your foot.
What do you have to show us this week Frank?
Frank: Well if you have pumpkins in your garden you can make some great wine which you can sell to a very expensive price or use as a bribe
..i'll be showing you how to do that later...
What do you have to show us this week Frank?
Frank: Well if you have pumpkins in your garden you can make some great wine which you can sell to a very expensive price or use as a bribe
..i'll be showing you how to do that later...
Click...
Song: Wer'e of to see the lizard ..the wonderful lizard of AUS...
Lizzie: I'm Lizzie ...the great Lizard of AUS...
what the hell do you want you rotten buggers?!!
what the hell do you want you rotten buggers?!!
Click...
Voice: Time for tubby bye bye.....time for tubby bye bye...
Bye bye Stanley
Stan: bye bye
Voice: Bye bye Ted
Ted: bye bye
Voice: Bye bye Steve
Steve: Hihi Bye bye..
Voice: bye bye Rodney
Rodney: bye bye...
Bye bye Stanley
Stan: bye bye
Voice: Bye bye Ted
Ted: bye bye
Voice: Bye bye Steve
Steve: Hihi Bye bye..
Voice: bye bye Rodney
Rodney: bye bye...
JUST AN ORDINARY DAY IN WENTWORTH
Judy, Bobbie, Lou and Phyllis is on kitchen duty
Ray is as usual in a happy mood singing a little silly russian tune
Phyllis: I wonder what he sings about?
Bobbie: hehe i think i can guess.. whooh (making an obcene gesture)
Judy: Oh my gawd!!...will you two shut up!!. I´m trying to peel the potatoes here.
Bobbie: Sorry Jude ... *jeez whats up with her*
Lou: Must be hard for you fasto ..peeling all those potatoes without being allowed to eat them all.
Jude: Oh my gawd!! ..shut up Lou!!!
Ray: (claps hands together) Now now girls..lets all try and get along
Bobbie: Yes auntie Ray
Ray: Oh (big smile) stop it..bobbikins
Ray: Who can carry out the rubbish?...ah Judy ..why dont you go
Judy: Oh my gawd..alright
Lou: Dont eat it all at once
Judy grabs the rubbish bin and storms out
Dennis enters the kitchen
Ray: AHH..Mr Cruckshank how Lovely
Dennis: Hello Ray..just checking everything is alright here
Ray: Oh yes ..we are having a lovely time don´t we girls Hmm?
Lou: Yeah sure.. hav´nt had this much fun since i slashed my wrists
Dennis: Right.. were´s Bryant?
Lou: She´s having her lunch
Bobbie: Shut up Lou!
Ray: She just took all of the rubbish out!
Lou: No she didnt.. you are still here
Dennis: Well if thats true i better go out there and stop the garbage truck from crushing her cos that sometimes happens here.
Bobbie: Oh no JUDY..!!!
Everyone runs out towards the rubbish container
Lou: This could be good for a laugh
Ray: Oh i cant leave the Custard ...i´ll just have to take it with me.
They arrive just in time to se the garbage truck empty the container and starts to cruch it all up
Dennis: STOP THE TRUCK ....DONT CRUSH ANYMORE!!!
The truck engine stops and there is a few seconds silence....and then suddenly ..a scream
AAaaaaa!!!
Everyone runs behind the truck and there´s Judy ..pointing at the inside of the truck
Judy: OH MY GAAWWD.... LOOK...its a swamp monster!!
Monster: SNowws cshi´ms Shnots sha..sh shlmonshhter ..
Everyone: WHAT?? :hmm:
Monster: Sli´m Shnot a Shmonster (drool)
Dennis: I think its saying that he´s not a monster
Judy: OH MY GAWD..its Phil Cleary
Lou: Well then you were right after all
Bobbie: I remember him.
He used to have a big beard and fancy clothes, smell nice and always have the latest haircuts.
But i think i like him better covered in shit to be honest
Phyllis: Kinky
Lou: Oh shut up Phyllis ...you never stop talking do you?
Dennis: Well?.. shouldnt we help him out of that truck?
Everyone: NO!!!!
Suddenly Phil is being pushed out from the truck ..he hits the ground hard
Phil: Oohhff
Phyllis: Are there more people in that truck?
Dennis: Aye
Lou: What people? it was Phil Cleary for gods sake
Dennis starts to remove old boxes and eggshells and lettuce from the truck to see who else is in there
Judy: Oh my Gawd!!..its Mervin Pringle!!
Dennis: Mr Pringle..how did you end up in there?
Mervin: *Mumble* Those stupid girls
Dennis: What?
Mervin: It was those stupid girls.
They threw me in here.
They said my cooking was rubbish and that my suffle didnt rise or something.. stupid girls :angry:
Bobbie:..Whooee His suffle didnt rise..hehehe ;) (making obcene gesture)
Dennis: Well girls...ehh? ..do you want mr Pringle back? :)
Everyone (including the ones out on exercise period) : NOOO!!
Dennis: Sorry mr Pringle ..Nobody wants you
Mervin: *mumble* stupid girls
In the meantime Ray has just finished arranging a date with the truck driver and is walking back to join the others
at that time Phil has just got his breath back and is standing up
Phil: Shosl..scith swash shgood shtoo sllhget out shof sccthat trcuk (drool)
Judy: Oh my gawd!!
Ray: Oh MY CUSTARD!!... he drooled in my CUSTARD!!
Judy: OH MY GAAAAWD!!!!!! YOU´VE MADE CUSTARD!!!?
Phyllis: You know better than to tell Judy somthing like that Ray
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Judy: Oh my gawwd!!.. give me the custard NOW!!
Ray: Oh!! ..help me!!.. help me girls!!...i´m being attacked by a big custard crazy american HELP!!!
Everyone stands there and watch when Judy wrestle Ray to the ground and take the custard from him and starts to eat it with her hands
Phyllis: Eh..so anyway..was there anything else in there Mr Cruckshank?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: Aye
Bobbie: Oh my gawd...
Everyone turns and look at Bobbie
Bobbie: Well Jude isnt here right now ..so i´ll have to do the "oh my gawd" bit
Phyllis: Sounds logical
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: Ok Bobbie ..go on
Bobbie: Oh My gawd! ..its Dot Farrar
Dot: Cant belive they do something like this to an old woman like me..and a sick one aswell
Bobbie: Yeah we know ..you have all the diseases there is
Dot: Yes thats right
Lou: Well then you belong in the rubbish.
Phyllis: Hahaha
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: I hate to say this but i think Lou is right.
Dennis push Dot back in the garbage
Phyllis: More?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: But i was...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: But...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: Bu...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis:........
Bobbie: Oh my gawd...
Judy: OH MY GAAAAWD!!!... Bobbie ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?..i cant belive you just said that ..thats my line :angry:
Bobbie: But you were eating custard.
Judy: Oh my gawd, i finished that already.
Ray is kneeling on the lawn holding his empty bowl which used to contain custard... tears are falling down his cheek
Ray: My custard ...my custard
Dennis: Ok Bryant say your line now so we can end this silly story.
Judy: OH MY GAWD!!!... its ...its..... Ainsley harriot?
Ainsley: Ready..steady .. cook :D
Lou: Ah..why dont you go and shove your head in an oven or something
Ray: (Whiping away his tears) ..Ahh mr Harriot how Lovely
Ray and Ainsley walks of together to talk recipes
Judy: OH MY GAAWD!!! ...its ....
Phyllis: How many people have they shoved in that rubbish truck?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Bobbie: Shut up Lou!
Judy: OH MY GAAWD!!!.... its Lizzie!!
Bobbie: No it isnt
Judy: OH MY GAWD!!!.....IT´S.... IT´S....IT´S LIZZIE BORDEN !!
Everyone: OH SHIT!!!
Not to be continued...
Judy, Bobbie, Lou and Phyllis is on kitchen duty
Ray is as usual in a happy mood singing a little silly russian tune
Phyllis: I wonder what he sings about?
Bobbie: hehe i think i can guess.. whooh (making an obcene gesture)
Judy: Oh my gawd!!...will you two shut up!!. I´m trying to peel the potatoes here.
Bobbie: Sorry Jude ... *jeez whats up with her*
Lou: Must be hard for you fasto ..peeling all those potatoes without being allowed to eat them all.
Jude: Oh my gawd!! ..shut up Lou!!!
Ray: (claps hands together) Now now girls..lets all try and get along
Bobbie: Yes auntie Ray
Ray: Oh (big smile) stop it..bobbikins
Ray: Who can carry out the rubbish?...ah Judy ..why dont you go
Judy: Oh my gawd..alright
Lou: Dont eat it all at once
Judy grabs the rubbish bin and storms out
Dennis enters the kitchen
Ray: AHH..Mr Cruckshank how Lovely
Dennis: Hello Ray..just checking everything is alright here
Ray: Oh yes ..we are having a lovely time don´t we girls Hmm?
Lou: Yeah sure.. hav´nt had this much fun since i slashed my wrists
Dennis: Right.. were´s Bryant?
Lou: She´s having her lunch
Bobbie: Shut up Lou!
Ray: She just took all of the rubbish out!
Lou: No she didnt.. you are still here
Dennis: Well if thats true i better go out there and stop the garbage truck from crushing her cos that sometimes happens here.
Bobbie: Oh no JUDY..!!!
Everyone runs out towards the rubbish container
Lou: This could be good for a laugh
Ray: Oh i cant leave the Custard ...i´ll just have to take it with me.
They arrive just in time to se the garbage truck empty the container and starts to cruch it all up
Dennis: STOP THE TRUCK ....DONT CRUSH ANYMORE!!!
The truck engine stops and there is a few seconds silence....and then suddenly ..a scream
AAaaaaa!!!
Everyone runs behind the truck and there´s Judy ..pointing at the inside of the truck
Judy: OH MY GAAWWD.... LOOK...its a swamp monster!!
Monster: SNowws cshi´ms Shnots sha..sh shlmonshhter ..
Everyone: WHAT?? :hmm:
Monster: Sli´m Shnot a Shmonster (drool)
Dennis: I think its saying that he´s not a monster
Judy: OH MY GAWD..its Phil Cleary
Lou: Well then you were right after all
Bobbie: I remember him.
He used to have a big beard and fancy clothes, smell nice and always have the latest haircuts.
But i think i like him better covered in shit to be honest
Phyllis: Kinky
Lou: Oh shut up Phyllis ...you never stop talking do you?
Dennis: Well?.. shouldnt we help him out of that truck?
Everyone: NO!!!!
Suddenly Phil is being pushed out from the truck ..he hits the ground hard
Phil: Oohhff
Phyllis: Are there more people in that truck?
Dennis: Aye
Lou: What people? it was Phil Cleary for gods sake
Dennis starts to remove old boxes and eggshells and lettuce from the truck to see who else is in there
Judy: Oh my Gawd!!..its Mervin Pringle!!
Dennis: Mr Pringle..how did you end up in there?
Mervin: *Mumble* Those stupid girls
Dennis: What?
Mervin: It was those stupid girls.
They threw me in here.
They said my cooking was rubbish and that my suffle didnt rise or something.. stupid girls :angry:
Bobbie:..Whooee His suffle didnt rise..hehehe ;) (making obcene gesture)
Dennis: Well girls...ehh? ..do you want mr Pringle back? :)
Everyone (including the ones out on exercise period) : NOOO!!
Dennis: Sorry mr Pringle ..Nobody wants you
Mervin: *mumble* stupid girls
In the meantime Ray has just finished arranging a date with the truck driver and is walking back to join the others
at that time Phil has just got his breath back and is standing up
Phil: Shosl..scith swash shgood shtoo sllhget out shof sccthat trcuk (drool)
Judy: Oh my gawd!!
Ray: Oh MY CUSTARD!!... he drooled in my CUSTARD!!
Judy: OH MY GAAAAWD!!!!!! YOU´VE MADE CUSTARD!!!?
Phyllis: You know better than to tell Judy somthing like that Ray
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Judy: Oh my gawwd!!.. give me the custard NOW!!
Ray: Oh!! ..help me!!.. help me girls!!...i´m being attacked by a big custard crazy american HELP!!!
Everyone stands there and watch when Judy wrestle Ray to the ground and take the custard from him and starts to eat it with her hands
Phyllis: Eh..so anyway..was there anything else in there Mr Cruckshank?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: Aye
Bobbie: Oh my gawd...
Everyone turns and look at Bobbie
Bobbie: Well Jude isnt here right now ..so i´ll have to do the "oh my gawd" bit
Phyllis: Sounds logical
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: Ok Bobbie ..go on
Bobbie: Oh My gawd! ..its Dot Farrar
Dot: Cant belive they do something like this to an old woman like me..and a sick one aswell
Bobbie: Yeah we know ..you have all the diseases there is
Dot: Yes thats right
Lou: Well then you belong in the rubbish.
Phyllis: Hahaha
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Dennis: I hate to say this but i think Lou is right.
Dennis push Dot back in the garbage
Phyllis: More?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: But i was...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: But...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis: Bu...
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Phyllis:........
Bobbie: Oh my gawd...
Judy: OH MY GAAAAWD!!!... Bobbie ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?..i cant belive you just said that ..thats my line :angry:
Bobbie: But you were eating custard.
Judy: Oh my gawd, i finished that already.
Ray is kneeling on the lawn holding his empty bowl which used to contain custard... tears are falling down his cheek
Ray: My custard ...my custard
Dennis: Ok Bryant say your line now so we can end this silly story.
Judy: OH MY GAWD!!!... its ...its..... Ainsley harriot?
Ainsley: Ready..steady .. cook :D
Lou: Ah..why dont you go and shove your head in an oven or something
Ray: (Whiping away his tears) ..Ahh mr Harriot how Lovely
Ray and Ainsley walks of together to talk recipes
Judy: OH MY GAAWD!!! ...its ....
Phyllis: How many people have they shoved in that rubbish truck?
Lou: Shut up Phyllis
Bobbie: Shut up Lou!
Judy: OH MY GAAWD!!!.... its Lizzie!!
Bobbie: No it isnt
Judy: OH MY GAWD!!!.....IT´S.... IT´S....IT´S LIZZIE BORDEN !!
Everyone: OH SHIT!!!
Not to be continued...